Title: Memento ~Ruri-iro no Unmei~
Inspired song: Memento (composed by: YNP)
If at your
pinky fingers, there’re two red threads, what will you do? Will you cut down
one of them? Will you untangle all? Or...will you able to hold onto both of
them simultaneously even it’ll be impossible to do so?
…what will you
do?
~*+*~
Folded origami was the only sound at
the empty college library. A girl with blue long hair was concentrating at her
paper crane, without even noticing another presence stepping closer. She didn’t
even care at several long strands of her hair falling to her face, disturbing eyes
that were a bit cold. It was when the newcomer leaned towards and touched the
strands then gently tucked it behind her shoulder that she was finally aware she’s
not alone now. Even so, she didn’t stop folding.
“Shu, you didn’t even greet me”—it’s a
statement. She glanced a second at the boy in front of her and showed him a
little smile. “Don’t surprise me like that”
“You knew I was here, Rei-san” Shu beamed
back.
“But at least, you should call me….or
voice something” Rei chuckled a bit, finishing his other paper crane. “You’re
not even a ninja. If so, you’re a failed one because your steps are so loud”
Shu laughed, walking around the table
then seating himself beside her. He looked at the several paper cranes that had
been folded neatly and took one of them in his hands with care. “It’s
beautiful” His eyes were so gentle, yet there’s a cloud hanging in the iris.
“It’s just a paper crane” Rei quickly
stated. “You can fold it more beautiful than me”
Shu smiled. “But it’s the paper crane
Rei-san made. That’s why, to me it’s beautiful” He didn’t even hesitate to say
such embarrassing quotes.
Rei’s hands stopped a while at that. “Shu—“
“Will you go with me to that place
again?” Shu took the origami from Rei’s hand and fold a paper crane himself. “I
want to take a several picture. The Momiji there are beautiful. I want to show
you that view once again…”
“You’ve showed me enough” Rei sighed,
taking the half-made paper crane from Shu only to finish it herself. “Ever
since you took me to the place in one summer night when fireflies looked like
earth’s stars, you’ve brought me there every season through these years. It was
a beautiful place and you’ve showed me enough, Shu”
The way Rei said sent another
understanding to Shu’s mind. It was not only ‘You’ve showed me enough’, but it
also meant ‘You’ve been with me enough’. Shu knew Rei. He knew too much than he
should, but he couldn’t help it. He loved the girl, even though it’s forbidden
to even feel like that.
“But today is another special day”
Rei frowned, looking at the boy
confusedly. “Eh? Why so?” She was certain she didn’t forget the special days
(within a year, between her and Shu, and of course between her and a certain
existence she had claimed as her fiancée).
Shu took all the origami and paper
cranes with him, rising to his feet. “Because you’re folding paper cranes today”
He smiled and walked backwards. “I’ll wait at the front gate. Don’t be late,
Rei-san, or I’ll leave you” Chuckling, he turned around and went out the
library without even glancing back.
‘Such a
confidence’,
Rei thought and laughed inaudibly. She stared at the empty table below then to
her own hands. They were trembling slightly now, longing for the senses of
things. ‘Because you’re folding paper
cranes today’; Shu’s words resonated melancholically through her brains.
Shu knew too much. He always knew.
Interlacing her own fingers, she hoped
the trembling would go away.
Today was not a sad day instead a
happy one. She should not waver, but the thought of leaving Shu because she had
chosen the path different from the boy scared her much more than she had
imagined. Rei was a weak girl, she admitted the fact even though she hated
being vulnerable. Beside weak, she’s also a wicked and selfish because of still
holding both of the red threads at her pinky fingers. She didn’t have any
courage to cut one of them. However, she also didn’t have the ability to favor
them at the same time. It was too much. She had to choose one, and she had
decided to choose that man over Shu, though it made her suffer. It’s rather
ironic because it’s with that man, she always felt lonely yet dearest. And with
Shu, she felt saved yet guilty. She’s so unfair; ironic when she only longed
for ‘love’.
Rei looked out through the window.
Blue sky seemed so cold up there, silently mocking her with its beauty and she
didn’t mind with that. She deserved it. However, looking at the soft lapis
lazuli color like that, it reminded her of the comfortable noises of a certain spring
day and Shu’s gentle smiling face when they met each other at the first time. Rei
was drawn to his overwhelming kind presence, to his unexpected shyness, to his spontaneity,
to his gentle and unfair understanding as if he had known Rei since forever.
She couldn’t help not to fall for Shu. She couldn’t help. Love often came in a
rush, mercilessly drowned one into the deepest abyss of desperation and sweet
feelings.
If at your
pinky fingers, there’re two red threads, what will you do? Will you cut down
one of them? Will you untangle all? Or...will you able to hold onto both of
them simultaneously even it’ll be impossible to do so?
…what will you
do?
If it’s me,
I’ll…
~*+*~
One hour had passed. Shu glanced at
his watch and sighed lightly. He looked at the blue sky, restraining himself
from going back to library and pulling the girl to his embrace. He knew Rei
would never like it if he did that. Thus, he waited there between doubt,
desperation, and certainty the girl he loved would show up and go together
(even, he knew that’d be the last time they went together to that memorable
place).
Shu lifted his camera and took a
picture of the sky.
“Beautiful, isn’t it? Today’s sky”
Widening his eyes a little because of
surprised, Shu only smiled and brought down his camera. “Let’s go, Rei-san” He turned
his head around and reached out a hand with a big gentle smile that it’s almost
sad.
Rei took the hand, smiling as well.
They walked through the gate, hand in
hand, silently. Their figures bathing in sunlight was like a painting. No one
voiced out anything as if it was too dear to even break the comfortable
atmosphere with mere words.
Going off the bus then walking through
empty road, the entangled hands were still there. It seemed like they
desperately wanted to treasure the sweet little interaction since it’d be the
last time.
It was when they arrived at the place
that Rei began to talk, breaking the tranquil silence between them. “You don’t
take the picture of the autumn leaves as usual?” She tried hard to hide the
stutters behind her calm voice.
Sighing, Shu smiled and replied with a
gentle voice, “You want me to let go of your hand, Rei-san?”
Rei wanted to answer ‘No’ but her
pride refrained for doing so. “You should let my hand go, Shu. Else, you can’t
take any good picture” She chuckled, bitterly.
Slowly Shu untangles his fingers and
let the hand go. Feeling empty, Rei’s hands trembled slightly again so that she
had to interlace her own fingers and gripped tightly behind her back. She
watched as Shu was busy taking pictures of the colorful momiji and other autumn
leaves. She waited in silence, counting seconds passing by.
If it could last forever, how good it’d
be. Being together like that, even words weren’t needed too much because
silence was always their friend and even little interactions (such as smiling
and holding hands) would be as precious as smothering air between them with
words ‘I love you’. However, it had to end. Rei had to destroy such comfortable
runaway place. It was for their sake.
“Unfortunately, I can’t see fireflies
at this season” Breaking the silence once again, Rei withdrew a breath. She
closed her eyes, trying to recall the picture of glowing fireflies from the
corner of her mind. “They were shining so beautifully that it felt almost like
a dream. Earth’s stars…”
Shu stopped and stared at the girl
beside her with sad eyes. “You can come here again next summer—“
“I won’t”—still closing her eyes, she cut
off.
“Take Sensei with you,” Shu continued
as if not listening. “He’d be glad to accompany you, Rei-san…”
She opened her eyes, smiling. “I bet
so”— eyes glowed with happiness yet there’s a flash of bitterness mingled. She
turned at Shu who was looking at her meaningfully. “You must have noticed,
right, Shu?”—straight to the point, she didn’t want to take a way round; the
fast the better.
The boy smiled, nodding slowly. “Sorry,
Rei-san” His tone was not close to a regret but much more to sadness. “If you
have decided, I couldn’t say anything about it”—his voice, however, was still gentle
as ever and that broke Rei’s heart into pieces.
Rei wanted to continue talking but
something stuck at her throat, disturbing the flowing words from her brain.
Tears welled up in her eyes, almost blurring views before her; the boy she loved
so much, the boy she considered as the most important thing in her world though
not as the one she loved the most. She tightened her grip on her own hand. She
wanted to run into Shu’s embrace and cry but it’d be unfair for him. It’d be
the cruelest thing she did to the boy. She had done enough cruel things to him
and she shouldn’t do more than that.
Ironic. She had thought she could cut
the red thread linked to Shu without any hesitation. But now, she was rooting
there at her place, couldn’t be able to control the flood of sadness and
longing overwhelming his heart. The abyss of love tried hard to drawn her, to cut
her into tiny pieces then to melt her body into no more than nihility. She
couldn’t stand the situation. She wanted to run away. It was too much. It was
too much.
“Shu—“
Wind blew; autumn leaves swayed and
poured down like a rain for several seconds. Both of them, undisturbed, were
still standing at their own places, staring at each other with hidden longings
flashing clearly in their watery eyes.
A momiji fell onto Rei’s head. Seeing
that, Shu smiled and took several steps forwards. Rei couldn’t even react
anything when the boy reached out his hand to take the momji, pulling it down
in a way that it combed her hair softly. Shu stopped half way, leaning down slightly
to kiss the momiji tangled between Rei’s blue strands of hair. Genuine feelings
were radiating clearly from Shu’s figure as he did that.
Time seemed to stop. Rei watched the
boy, refraining tears and desire to embrace him.
If at your
pinky fingers, there’re two red threads, what will you do?
The dear moment didn’t last long. Shu
straightened up his body, completely pulling the momiji away with him. He
smiled, saying, “Rei-san… may I borrow your hand for a sec?”—it’s certainly a
request; thing Shu rarely asked.
Will you cut
down one of them? Will you untangle all? Or...
Rei hesitated for a while but finally
nodded, releasing the grip behind her back. She lifted a hand towards the boy; it
was trembling slightly.
Shu stared at it bitterly but didn’t
voice anything out as he put the momiji onto Rei’s palm. “…present for you,
Rei-san. My first and last present for you...” He withdrew his hand, stepping
backwards in an awkward way. “Though it’s not a proper present” He added with a
little laugh to hide the bitterness in his tone.
Or… will you
able to hold onto both of them simultaneously even it’ll be impossible to do
so?
…what will you
do?
If it’s me,
I’ll…
Rei stared at the momiji. Her hand
slowly stopped trembling upon finally sensing a thing; it’s a present from Shu,
it’s his feelings. She bit his lower lip for a moment then looked up, forcing a
smile. “Thank you, Shu” The sadness still stuck at her throat she couldn’t say
more than that, but she thought the words were the most honest words she had
said to the boy so it’s fine. It’s fine like that. Finally, she could shatter
the runaway place; piece by piece.
Shu smiled. “Do you want me to hold
your hand?”—it’s almost sounded like another request.
The time had come. It would end there;
the story between them. The blue destiny would end there.
If it’s me, I
will cut half of the other red thread and spin the rest around my pinky finger
so that when someday we reincarnate, that red thread will remain and I’ll be
able to link it to him, again.
Though…
Holding the momiji in her hand, Rei
seemed to find her composure back. She could do it. She could end this. Shu was
better off with other girl, certainly not her.
Inhaling deeply, the girl shook her
head a little. “You can’t”—her voice was so calm, as she usually sounded. “I’ll
be fine by myself from now on” She turned around, walking first.
…though, I don’t
believe in reincarnation.
Shu stared at her back and lifted his
camera, taking a picture of the girl he loved. A tear found its way on his
cheek as he did so. Smiling bitterly yet relief, Shu followed her in silence.
The road was surprisingly shorter than
it had always been. It might because of the tranquil silence or might because
of the atmosphere hanging around them wasn’t as ‘heavy’ as before. It seemed
all had returned to nothingness, yet ironically it was also felt so dear.
Bus came. Rei didn’t even glance at
Shu as she stepped in. Shu didn’t follow.
“Sayonara, Shu”
“Sayonara, Rei-san”
Rei smiled. The door closed.
Shu watched as the bus went,
whispering, “I love you…”—words he often failed to say to the girl.
Meanwhile in the bus, Rei was looking
at the momiji in her hands. She kissed it lovingly. A tear fell down when she
hissed bitterly, “I love you…” Finally, she cried, unable to hold the
overwhelming sadness and longing. She’s crying in silence.
“ ” I’ll always love you ” ”
-end-
By Natsu^^v
15 November 2012AN: gejeh dan gejeh dan gejeh dan gejeh orzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry for grammar errors everywhere and... asdfghjkl!! this is so pathetic ;;_;;)~
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